Let me start with the obvious. We all love our share of freedom. And Limit!!. It is a very tricky word to think about, not just for kids but for adults as well. It's often hard to set a limit for your child when you have not come to terms with the idea. Especially if you are that loving parent who wants the child to receive everything they desire. On top of that, we want to avoid the unpleasant air a ’ No’ creates. But, the truth is, if you love and care for your child you have to deal with the discomforts they, or even we, may experience when we set a limit.
Are you wondering why do we have to set limits? What is so wrong with having that extra cookie? Is it a sin not to hit the bed past bedtime? I mean, nothing is particularly wrong. But, don’t we all want our children to learn how to control themselves and regulate their behaviour and their body! Also, by setting limits, we are becoming models for them to learn to say ‘no’ to an unacceptable situation.
Let’s jump into 4 steps on how to set limits by minimizing the burst outs and maximizing the learning and connection.
Disclaimer: Setting limits doesn’t come with a no-drama exit room. Mostly, you will have your child play with your tolerance. Remember it’s your job to set the limit and theirs to push it.
Empathize
- Acknowledge and empathize with their need or Big Emotion at the moment. Say:
‘I know how much you want that next cookie or It’s really tempting to listen to the next bedtime story, isn’t it?’
State your Limit
- Next step is to say no and reason your limit. say:
“ Don’t we have to leave space for dinner? What if the cookie takes up all the space in your tiny tum tum!!!” ( you can be playful or affirmative depending upon the mood)
Give the child a choice
- when you say no, make sure you leave a little space for them to feel like they had some control over the situation. For that, give them choices that they can select from. Say:
“Instead would you like to have a carrot? Or an apple?” “Do you want me to leave the lights on or off?”
Say ‘yes’ with a condition
- When you say a lot of no to their behaviour, they might start doubting that there is something wrong with their choices of behaviour. Therefore, when you see your child is tired of all the no’s that you throw, try saying ‘yes’ with a condition. Say:
“ Yes, I will tell another story, but we will have to do it tomorrow” “yes, you can have that next cookie but let’s eat dinner first?”